I have organized two monthly brunch groups for retirees that meet at a local café in Davis Square, Somerville. My goal in this essay is to share what I’ve learned from creating and managing these groups so that others can replicate the process in their own communities.
Why Start a Retiree Brunch Group?
While researching retirement, I discovered that the most significant determinant of long-term happiness is the quantity and quality of meaningful social relationships—with quality being more important than quantity. As men lose a disproportionate number of their social connections upon retiring, I decide I had to act proactively.
Based upon my research I created a syllabus I called Designing Your Retirement: A Path to a Happy, Healthy, and Fulfilling Retirement.
The Designing Your Retirement lead to the creation of ten evidence-based objectives, My Strategic Retirement Plan, that would lead to a happy, healthy, and fulfilling retirement. The first objective on My Strategic Retirement Plan was to was to strengthen my meaningful social relationships. I then created a tactical plan to implement each objectives, as shown on this slide taken from my Designing Your Retirement lecture:
One of my tactics was the creation of a monthly, retired, men’s brunch group.
- The first monthly brunch group I created was my REMBrunch group, Retired Elderly Men’s Brunch group, whose first meeting was in March 2023.
- The second group was created through the MIT Club of Boston and consists of retired MIT alumni. I called this my ReeBrunch group, retiRees Brunch, and we first met in September 2024. (I’ve never been able to figure out a better name for this group.)
- With my wife’s assistance, I am now trying to create a third group, which I will call ReeBrunch, Too.
As a result of my experiences in creating and managing these brunch groups, it is now obvious to me that there are many other retired individuals who are interested in having more meaningful communication with other retirees but have not yet found a way to do so.
Insights Learned from Managing a Brunch for Retirees
1. Carefully Curate Membership
The success of a brunch group depends largely on its members, and inviting the wrong individuals can disrupt the group dynamic. While there is no formula for selecting the right participants, I firmly believe that only the group’s manager should have the authority to extend invitations to new members and the discretion to ask individuals to leave if necessary. Fortunately, group membership is rarely a contentious issue, and it is my experience that the members will gladly defer membership issues to the group leader.
The policy of delegating membership decisions to the group leader helps minimize potential conflicts, ensure new members understand and agree with the group’s purpose and “rules,” and fosters a supportive, cohesive community.
It took me 12 to 18 months of carefully curating the REMBrunch group before a strong sense of camaraderie began to develop. Today, the longstanding members genuinely look forward to each gathering, reinforcing the value of thoughtful membership curation.
2. Expect Membership to Evolve
Over time, some members will stop attending—either gradually or abruptly—due to personal commitments, shifting priorities, or loss of interest. This should be expected. Others may participate sporadically, attending only occasionally.
As the group’s manager, you should anticipate and adapt to these changes while ensuring the group remains composed of only individuals who are genuinely committed to its core purpose.
3. Clearly Define the Purpose of the Group
A well-defined purpose sets expectations, fosters alignment, and helps prevent conflict. I have explicitly told the members of my ReeBrunch group that our purpose is:
“To explore ideas, share life experiences, and discuss personal quandaries, drawing on the rich perspectives of all attendees, in the hope that the group gels into something more than a mere assemblage of acquaintances.”
By articulating this mission upfront, members understand the group’s intent and what they can expect from participating. This shared understanding strengthens group cohesion, encourages deeper engagement, and ensures that discussions remain aligned with our collective goals.
4. Manage Group Size Strategically
Determining the optimum size of a group is a balancing act: the total number of group members must be large enough to ensure a quorum at every meeting, but not so large that it becomes hard for everyone to hear and participate in the conversation.
Minimum Total Group Membership
For my REMBrunch group, I initially set the quorum at 3, as I often had difficulty getting more than 3 members to attend meetings.
For the ReeBrunch group, I set the quorum at 4, fearing that fewer attendees might find a conversation among strangers awkward and thus discourage their future participation.
Maximum Total Group Membership
Having too many people at a brunch could dilute the quality of conversation. For example, in a noisy café, members seated at the far ends of the table might struggle to hear one another, or a conversation at the end of the table might become independent of the conversation at the opposite end of the table.
Optimum Total Group Membership
With these limitations in mind, the ideal number of attendees at a brunch which takes place in a noisy café, is 6.
Since not everyone will attend every brunch and I want to reliably have 4-6 attendees at each brunch, I aim to maintain a group size of 6-8 members.
If I notice that a member’s attendance is tapering off, I will then consider adding another member to the group.
5. Maintain a Single Conversation Among Attendees
When the brunch is taking place in a noisy café and attendance is high, some have suggested splitting the brunch group into two smaller discussion groups. I believe this would be an error.
My primary goal in creating these brunch groups is to foster meaningful relationships and build a strong sense of community, which is best achieved through a unified discussion. As the group leader, I strive to guide the group into a single conversation, ensure that everyone has the opportunity to participate.
6. Encourage Commitment Without Mandating Attendance
While strict attendance rules are impractical and unnecessary, regular participation is crucial for building deeper connections. When inviting new members to join the group, I make it clear that they are expected to attend at least half of the sessions.
If a member’s attendance becomes so infrequent that their participation is essentially limited to casual, acquaintance-level interactions, I might ask them to step aside to make room for someone more committed to the group’s purpose.
7. Setting Guidelines for Topics of Discussion
I believe the group leader should have final authority on discussion boundaries but should strive to build consensus that aligns with the group’s purpose and values whenever possible.
8. End Brunch on Time
I consistently end our brunches at the appointed time, much to the amusement of some members. I believe this is necessary so attendees never hesitate to attend for fear the brunch might run late and interfere with their other scheduled events.
9. Choosing a Venue, Day, Time for Your Brunch
In choosing a venue, choose a venue, date, time that will make it easy:
- Is there parking?
- Is there public transportation?
- Avoid rush-hour traffic.
- Avoid Monday and Fridays, as people often take a “long weekend.”
- Avoid busy times like noon and weekends.
- Choose a café where you can reliably get a table or ask the manager to reserve a table for your group.
For these reasons, I schedule my brunches on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday from 10-11 AM. I arrive 30 minutes early to secure a table. And, of course, encourage everyone to but something in the café!
Final Thoughts
While managing these groups requires effort, patience, and optimism, the rewards—meaningful relationships and the appreciation of the attendees— far exceed the effort.
I encourage you to create your own, local retirees’ brunch. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me.
Good luck!
Hayward Zwerling
4 February 2025